sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
