That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
