The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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