OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
