Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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