dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
