i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
