can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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