Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
