Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You're like the curious george of whores
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
