Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
where does the pee come out of this thing
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
