I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think I won the penis lottery.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.