I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!