And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.