Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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