She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.