We won't sleep together?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.