1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
