You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
