Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
