She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
