at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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