Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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