I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
