We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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