My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
