so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
