he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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