I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
