If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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