did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
