went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I party with great urgency now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
