the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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