I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
