I didn't shave. On purpose
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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