party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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