Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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