she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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