Betty ford says i'm here all night
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
