I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
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You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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