I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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