ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
