I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
