I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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