Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
