the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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