There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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