the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
