Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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