Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize