the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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