VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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