She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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