He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
