My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I love you. Go after that dick
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Your penis caused this!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
