I wannas sexs uuuuu
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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