One girl and one boy is just not enough.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
