My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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