As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
