even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
