She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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