Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize