Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
