It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
