I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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