so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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