That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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