Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
