im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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