its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
BRING THE BAGELS
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
