Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
