Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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