dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's blow job season.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
