just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
