I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
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I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
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Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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