and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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