Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
