It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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